just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
