he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
