My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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