The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
