Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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