I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
