I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
