how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm like, not good at living.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
