they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
