i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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