At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
