Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize