I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
