Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
