The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize