I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
