yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
