Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
