This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
