he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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