You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
