He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
