is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
