She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
