We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
