I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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