I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
