were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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