So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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