They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
