I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
