your room smells of hookers.
And success
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
