So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
