so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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