put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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