The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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