I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
