You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize