we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
