I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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