my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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