I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
