you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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