Soap is not a condiment
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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