we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
