So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
