Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize