Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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