Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize