I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
