the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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