So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
