you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize