Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this boner is exhausting
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
