she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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