it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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