Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
