well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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