I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
