So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
