If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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