can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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