My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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