Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
