woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
