Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
