your parents love me but you hate me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
