I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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