ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
