two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
