You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we're so committed to being not committed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
