i don't like sucking hair
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
