Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
